Meat Head

I went to the gym last night and benched the entire dumbbell rack. It was like 10,000lbs, but whatever, it was a Monday. I then broke every workout machine I used because I had to pile other machines on top of them. When the owner tried to fight me for breaking his machines, I murked him and made a protein shake out of him as an after workout meal. I then went home and gave my Rotweiler steroids.

Asparagus Peepee Purse

Ok, here's the plan. July the 3rd, we grill asparagus, I eat A LOT of asparagus, stalk and blossom, I don't pee for a bit, we go to Rookies, I drink slowly and let the asparagus work through my intestinal tract, we see Mary, you want to catch up, you lure her away from her purse by offering her candy and puppy, I grab the purse, I let loose a potent asparagus pee inside of said purse, Mary returns. Mary continues to suck. Mary is dumb. Mary has peepee purse.

The end.

No snow animal guy

If there's any snow on the trail, I'm going to ghost ride my bike into it, yell, throw a rock, 1 pinecone and my helmet, then storm off into the woods where i will live amoungst the animals for a few weeks.

When I return, I will speak in animal language to you, forget how to speak it because i wont use it when I'm back with humans, then get married

Great teeth guy

There once was this dude, a hella badass type dude, who ate what he wanted and didn't give a mad care. He cranked skittles and Red Bulls all day, never had a cavity, and was a mouth model of those clear braces. Chicks loved him, and he married Suzanne Sommers hot daughter, who, coincidentally, also has an awesome smile

A Male Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “NO!” And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny big titted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fuckin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end